On Being a Mother

Mother and Child (Central Bristol), Digital Photograph, El Mac, 2015

It seems there is a wave of pregnancies and births at the moment. Perhaps it’s a leap year thing.  It always seems to happen in cycles.  I like kids but I feel somewhat removed from this phenomenon, and it never awakens within me the instinct to have a child myself.  I used to think it was something I wanted but I realised that it was societal expectation that made me feel this way, not an innermost desire.

When I really think about it, I’ve never had the instinct to have my own child, not deep down.  I always thought I might eventually but I’m glad I haven’t and I still don’t.  I understand that, for couples, having a child is the ultimate gesture to express an extension of their love, though sometimes it comes as an unplanned surprise.  And then this being or beings become the next generation of their family tree, who they can pass their talents, knowledge and legacies onto.  I get that.  I think it’s lovely.  But I feel I can do this just as much in my role as teacher, friend, lover, psychic, artist, writer, traveller, with anyone I bond with in my life, child or not.  Also, I look at the straining overpopulation of the planet and I think, let’s just do away with this pressure of having kids when there’s so much else to worry about.

I never “get broody” over children, I find them endearing and fun to be around but that’s it.  My lust for life doesn’t include being a biological mother.  I’m happy enough being the crazy aunt.  Being a parent requires endless selflessness and I feel more inclined to be selfless towards the world at large then specific humans that happen to be my offspring.  Being a some-time teacher satisfies any need I have to enjoy the company of kids and then I can go back to my million creative pursuits.

And the thing is, I spend so much time mothering people in my life as it is that I already satisfy any need to be a mother spiritually.  (I don’t think this is limited to just women; there are plenty of men who are good at mothering others).

Having said this (total sidetone diversion) I do get very “broody” over animals, reptiles in particular.  Having volunteered part-time for a popular reptile company this past year, I have learned a great deal about a variety of species, snakes and lizards in the main, and I am surprised at how passionately protective I feel of them, even right down to the stick insects.  I’ve always loved snakes.  I am by no means an expert.  It’s only in the past year that I got to learn about them, how to handle and care for them, all the different genus’, their individual characteristics, etc.  I work with two incredibly talented reptile specialists who are a mine of information and never cease to impress me with their skills.  I just love animals.  So, no kids but a menagerie of animals will do me just fine.  I prefer them to humans to be honest.  I like humans, I just don’t want to make one.

I’ve decided that if I ever have the urge to have a child later on at a time when it’s not biologically feasible, then I’ll look to adopt.  There are plenty of children out there who are missing a mother, so I would prefer to take this avenue.  The child doesn’t have to be borne of my flesh for me to be its mother.

And like Einstein, I am so passionately curious about the universe and my potential as a human or superhuman, that this adventure is all-consuming  and wonderful enough.  And I just want to keep fulfilling it.

© N Nazir 2016

7 thoughts on “On Being a Mother

  1. DestanyPate

    This was a very well written post. I absolutely adore the way you think, and how you phrase your sentences.

    From a very young age I aspired to be a mother, attempting multiple times to become one. I failed in my endeavors. It was when I decided that I could wait, finish school, and pull my life together that my son chose to make his entrance. 🙂

    I will never regret having him, and I hope to go on with my life satisfying my wants and dreams, as well as his.

    As for the want to adopt you expressed, more people should come with this mind set. There are thousands upon thousands of children who desperately need love in their life. I plan to adopt as well in the future after my career has been set up and secured.

    I found this post very refreshing, and I will be following it from now on. 🙂

    Keep up the good work.


  2. Hi,
    Congratulations on starting your blog. My husband and I chose not to have more children together. We have dogs instead.
    I met you in the Community Pool where you indicated you are a new blogger. I help new bloggers at my site. Tips for engaging readers, improving content, and increasing traffic are waiting for you. I brought you the link to my About page, so you can read what my blog can do for you.
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  3. CAS

    To everything there is a season. Enjoy this one and the next one will come at the proper time. Every child needs a passionately curious parent. If the right time for you to become a mother comes that will be a great gift.

    Liked by 1 person

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