On Being a Mother

^{Mother and Child (Central Bristol), Digital Photograph, El Mac, 2015}

It seems there is a wave of pregnancies and births at the moment. Perhaps it’s a leap year thing.  It always seems to happen in cycles.  I like kids but I feel somewhat removed from this phenomenon, and it never awakens within me the instinct to have a child myself.  I used to think it was something I wanted but I realised that it was societal expectation that made me feel this way, not an innermost desire.

When I really think about it, I’ve never had the instinct to have my own child, not deep down.  I always thought I might eventually but I’m glad I haven’t and I still don’t.  I understand that, for couples, having a child is the ultimate gesture to express an extension of their love, though sometimes it comes as an unplanned surprise.  And then this being or beings become the next generation of their family tree, who they can pass their talents, knowledge and legacies onto.  I get that.  I think it’s lovely.  But I feel I can do this just as much in my role as teacher, friend, lover, psychic, artist, writer, traveller, with anyone I bond with in my life, child or not.  Also, I look at the straining overpopulation of the planet and I think, let’s just do away with this pressure of having kids when there’s so much else to worry about.

I never “get broody” over children, I find them endearing and fun to be around but that’s it.  My lust for life doesn’t include being a biological mother.  I’m happy enough being the crazy aunt.  Being a parent requires endless selflessness and I feel more inclined to be selfless towards the world at large then specific humans that happen to be my offspring.  Being a some-time teacher satisfies any need I have to enjoy the company of kids and then I can go back to my million creative pursuits.

And the thing is, I spend so much time mothering people in my life as it is that I already satisfy any need to be a mother spiritually.  (I don’t think this is limited to just women; there are plenty of men who are good at mothering others).

Having said this (total sidetone diversion) I do get very “broody” over animals, reptiles in particular.  Having volunteered part-time for a popular reptile company this past year, I have learned a great deal about a variety of species, snakes and lizards in the main, and I am surprised at how passionately protective I feel of them, even right down to the stick insects.  I’ve always loved snakes.  I am by no means an expert.  It’s only in the past year that I got to learn about them, how to handle and care for them, all the different genus’, their individual characteristics, etc.  I work with two incredibly talented reptile specialists who are a mine of information and never cease to impress me with their skills.  I just love animals.  So, no kids but a menagerie of animals will do me just fine.  I prefer them to humans to be honest.  I like humans, I just don’t want to make one.

I’ve decided that if I ever have the urge to have a child later on at a time when it’s not biologically feasible, then I’ll look to adopt.  There are plenty of children out there who are missing a mother, so I would prefer to take this avenue.  The child doesn’t have to be borne of my flesh for me to be its mother.

And like Einstein, I am so passionately curious about the universe and my potential as a human or superhuman, that this adventure is all-consuming  and wonderful enough.  And I just want to keep fulfilling it.

^{© N Nazir 2016}