Hemingway Inspired this Poem

It is very hard to write this way, beginning things backward…
–The Torrents of Spring (1926)
Ernest Hemingway

Isn’t that how karma works?  
You tie up all the loose ends
the ragged edges running astray.  
And what of the lessons
that never get learned?  
Are they repeated harder than ever
for every wanton evil or wilful non-action committed-

(because sometimes not-doing was the wrong thing to do
and doing anything in that moment, however imperfect
would have been the right thing to do, but you still didn’t do it) 

so you get demoted further and further away from being human
until you finally come back as a gnat 
only to be slap-squashed
on the beefy forearm 
of a man pinked in the sun.

(And then what would you return as?  
An amoeba?  
A virus?  
An imp?)

But then isn’t going backwards just a type of remembering
a hindsight of ideas
a retracing of steps
recollecting
the bits of gem 
you left washed up on the beach of your soul
to be cherished and cupped in palm
or tossed back into the ocean of subconscious?

And if you’ve already arrived and are in the throes of retelling
then surely the tale has been resolved 
and you are simply colouring in the empty spaces 
with cinnamon or sienna or indigo
rendering fullness without compromising truth. 
Is that possible?

I’d like to know when my retrograde becomes a revolution 
full circle, in and of itself, icing-dusted with stars.

I’d like to know when time travel becomes less like falling
and more like backward rolling in anecdotal clown tumbles.

I’d like to know how far back I must resurrect my soul
in order to step out of mummification and become whole.

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^{_{© N. Nazir 2021}}

Written for dVerse Poetry Prompt hosted by Msjadeli: to write a poem inspired by Hemingway using one of the quotes provided.